For The Women Who Worries About The Things They Can’t Control
In this article, we want to talk about the things we can’t control, and why you shouldn’t be worrying about them.
Before we even get to those things, let’s talk about “empowerment.” This is a word that has become popular in recent years. It means feeling strong and confident in yourself and your abilities – that you are capable of doing or getting anything you set your mind to. And empowerment is fantastic. It’s amazing, and it can help you get through a lot.
However, a problem with empowerment – or rather, the way a lot of people think about empowerment – is that it can actually be used to justify unhelpful thoughts. And we’re here to talk about unhelpful thoughts.
What Are Unhelpful Thoughts?
Unhelpful thoughts are those negative thoughts that we just can’t seem to shake off. Our brains keep going back to them again and again, even though we know they’re not helpful. They don’t contribute anything good to us – they just make us feel worse about ourselves and put us in a bad mood for no real reason.
For example: “I haven’t made any friends yet. I should add more stuff to my profile so people will notice me.”
Or if you’re feeling frustrated in a relationship: “I hate that my partner doesn’t want to spend enough time with me! Maybe I’ll look at other people’s profiles and see if they suit me better.”
And maybe, if we’re feeling particularly bad about ourselves: “Maybe I just don’t have what it takes to find happiness in relationships.”
None of these thoughts make us feel better. And they’re not very empowering at all. But we do them anyway. Why? Well, this is because our brain has created these thoughts to help us – so it’s not really up to us what we think. And it doesn’t make a difference whether these thoughts are positive or negative.
Of course, sometimes, we do need to change some of our negative thoughts. Our brains sometimes get stuck on them after a while – it’s like when typing in the wrong word over and over again (“I can’t find this! I can’t find this!”), but we’ve come to accept it as just something that happened.
Discomfort With The Things You Can Control
In general, a lot of people have problems with the things they can control. You could think of this as a problem with the past, present, or future. So we’ll start with the past, then look at the present and future.
Problem with The Past
A lot of people find it difficult to accept that they can’t change some things that happened in the past. Examples include: “My parents didn’t pay enough attention to me when I was growing up,” or “I work in a job with too much stress.” But, no matter how much you wish it were different – and regardless of whether you have any memories to remind you of it – your childhood wasn’t perfect. And sometimes our jobs can be stressful.
There’s no real point in thinking about these things. No matter what you do, it won’t change what happened in the past. The best thing you can do is accept that your parents were never going to be perfect, and that your job isn’t always going to be easy and fun. And that’s not even considering the fact that our brains are always changing – so it might be a different story for us in a few years!
Problem with The Present
This is where future worries come in – they’re a type of problem with the present. We worry about what will happen next, whether we’ll find happiness or lose out on something good.
But a lot of problems we have when we’re younger are things we can’t really change. The most obvious example is puberty. We always want to believe that our parents could have done something different to stop it from happening, but it’s not that simple. Everything happens the way it should, and worrying about something that can’t be changed just leaves you feeling frustrated and upset.
We shouldn’t be afraid to accept the present for what it is – there are so many things we can do with this life, no matter how hard it gets at certain times.
Problem with The Future
When we’re worrying about the future, we tend to believe that there are things we can’t do anything about – that just happen independently of us. One example is the idea that you have to find your perfect partner in order to be happy. And another is that there are certain standards you have to meet in order to make sure that what happens next will be good. We always want it to be like this (it feels safe), but the reality is often very different from what we imagined – and it becomes obvious when we stop worrying so much about the future.
So, What Are Some Helps For Unhelpful Thoughts?
1. Accept The Thoughts For What They Are
If you find yourself thinking about something a lot – whether it’s positive or negative – there’s no point in trying to change them. Our brains are really good at doing this, and it isn’t always obvious that this is happening. The best thing you can do is just accept your thoughts for what they are, and move on with your life. Only if they bother you for a long time, or stop you from thinking about other things, then it might be worth tackling them.
2. Remember That Everything Will Pass
It’s really easy to get caught on the wrong thoughts that pop into our heads every now and then (e.g. something negative about our job or someone we know). Most of the time, we can’t really do anything about it – but at least we can remember that these thoughts don’t last forever. Once you start thinking about something else, the first thing will usually be gone too. This makes it easier to control how much energy you spend on worrying – and frees up a lot more time to enjoy your life while you’re at it!
3. Imagine The Future Without All The Worries
When you’re worried about something going wrong in your life (even if this is a few years ahead), try to picture what life might be like after all this has happened. If you can picture this scenario without the negative thoughts coming into it, then you’ll be doing yourself a huge favour.
It’s important to remember that negative thoughts can feel really real to our brains – but this doesn’t mean they’re “true”. And we should always remember that everything that happens is as it should be, and there isn’t anything we can do about it anyway – so worrying about what might happen in the future will never help us get there.
“Those who do not think others know their own faults are not unwilling to abandon themselves; they are conceited and scornful of others; but they are thoughtless and deluded.”
4. Remind Yourself Of All The Things You Have
When you’re worried about what could happen in the future, it’s very easy to forget how much you have already achieved. Make a list of all of your good attributes and assets (e.g. family, friends, health) and keep this list somewhere you can see it often (such as on your phone). This will help remind you that worrying about the future isn’t going to help you at all!
Conclusion
Hopefully, you’ve learned something new about how to stop worrying in your life. If you’re worried about something, try to think through the worst-case scenario – then either work to prevent this (if it’s possible) or accept that it will happen and move on. Our lives can become less stressful if we learn not to worry all the time!